ABInbev, the Belgian multinational corporation that owns the America Budweiser labels, has decided to dump the brand rather than continue dealing with the ongoing boycotts in the US. Chines brewer Shiamatzu, the largest brewer in the world, picked it up for just under $1.2 billion, approximately $30 billion less than it was worth six months ago.
“It’s just not worth the hassle,” said Inbev CEO Josep Barrone, “the Chinese sell 37 million barrels of Bud Light already, so it’s a win for them.”
A spokesperson from the company said that the move means the US operation will change drastically. “The upper and middle management will all be replaced with Chines Nationals,” said Cynthia Luhoo, chief of American operations, “and we’ll most likely replace many of the typical US workers with Chinese immigrants.”
The boycotts worked out well, in other words, and a company learned a valuable lesson.
“Yeah, it’s great,” said Brewer’s Union President Art Tubolls, “The boycott axed about….22,000 jobs so far. But not to worry. Those people working those production line jobs are probably a bunch of liberals anyway. Luckily, my job is still secure, and I get a bungalow in Shenzhen.”
The deal was reportedly brokered by Hunter Biden after Ivanka Trump thought it would be “too obvious” for her to exert the influence she purchased with taxpayer dollars there. Biden allegedly told the company that if they didn’t buy the Budweiser name, his daddy would send drones and kill them all in their sleep.
We couldn’t confirm the report, which typically means it’s true. because that’s totally how these things work. God Bless America.