Here’s a couple of classic jokes that always crack me up whenever they pop up. I’ve retold them in my own words so they feel like something you’d hear from a buddy at the bar.
Two old guys, let’s call them Frank and Charlie, are parked on their favorite bench in the park, doing what they do best: absolutely nothing. They’ve got the prime people-watching spot.
A gorgeous young woman jogs past in tiny shorts and a sports bra. Frank breaks into this huge grin. The girl notices, slows down, and comes over looking annoyed.
“What are you smiling at, grandpa? Creep much?”
Frank just chuckles and says, “Sweetheart, I’m not smiling at you like that. I’m smiling because no matter how old I get, seeing a pretty girl on a summer day still reminds me the world’s not all bad.”
The girl melts, laughs, leans down, kisses him on the cheek, and jogs off.
Frank turns to Charlie, still grinning, and goes, “Three-zip, your move.”
Second one – the Montana salesman (still makes me laugh every time):
So this kid Michael from a tiny town in Montana moves to New York and walks into a massive department store looking for work. The manager figures, what the heck, gives him a shot even though the kid’s only ever sold vacuums door-to-door back home.
First day is rough. Store closes, the manager comes down and asks everyone how many sales they made.
Everyone’s rattling off twenty, thirty customers. Michael mumbles, “One.”
The manager loses it. “ONE?! Son, this is New York, not some dirt-road town in Montana. Average here is twenty-five customers a day. Step it up or pack it up!”
Then he feels a little bad and asks, “Okay, fine… how much was your one sale?”
Michael looks up and says, “$124,088.30.”
Manager’s eyes nearly pop out. “You made a hundred and twenty-four THOUSAND dollars… on one customer?! What on earth did you sell him?”
Michael shrugs. “Guy came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife. I told him, ‘Buddy, your weekend’s already ruined. Might as well go fishing.’”
Sold him the hooks, the rod, the reel, a brand-new boat, and a 4×4 Dodge to pull it.
Kid got promoted the next morning.
If those put a smile on your face, go ahead and send them to someone who needs a laugh today!